Soy-Sauce Man

Well, he started back East one day,
where the skies are damp and grey 
And he said he'd go out West and get a tan.
So he loaded up his old car,
Said good-bye to his buddies at the bar,
And the towns out West first learned of 
    the Soy-Sauce Man!
(Chorus)
Soy-Sauce Man,
    Working on a tan,
       Soy-Sauce Man
He sat in the sun so long,
and the sun shone down so strong
That his skin turned red, dried up, peeled off and blew away
So he tried some oils and lotions
But he needed stronger potions
With winter only thirteen weeks away!
(Chorus)
Soy-Sauce Man,
    Can't get a tan,
       Soy-Sauce Man
Then, one day at a fast-food stand,
he spilled soy sauce on his hand
which turned his hand quite brown, to his delight
So he bought two quarts of sauce,
he said, "I'm the tanning boss!
I can get a tan by day or even night!"
(Chorus)
Soy-Sauce Man,
    You've got a tan,
       Soy-Sauce Man
And all the folks out west
said he was tanned the best.
His soy-sauce tan got darker everyday.
But he swam one day in the ocean,
and it caused a great commotion,
'cause the ocean washed his soy-sauce tan away!
(Chorus)
Soy-Sauce Man,
    You've lost your tan,
       Soy-Sauce Man
Well, some say he's still there.
Some say he wouldn't dare
to walk around without his made-up tan (without his tan)
But he went back home, I think,
to laugh and joke and drink.
And we'll never ever see again
    the Soy-Sauce Man!
(Chorus)
Soy-Sauce Man,
    ain't got a tan,
       Soy-Sauce Man
(Chorus)
Soy-Sauce Man,
    ain't got a tan,
       Soy-Sauce Man!
(obbligato)
I want to see him, I want to see the soy-sauce,
     want to see that guy,
       Soy-Sauce Man!

Flights of Imagination

(Chorus)
Flights of Imagination can make life seem more real.
   Flights of reality feel like jubilation,
   Flights of reality feel like imagination.
One day I saw an ostrich, as orange as orange could be,
   riding roller-skates underneath a tree.
When I asked him why, he told me he was free
   of reality!   (Chorus)
An elephant once told me in his wise and wrinkled way,
   "Live today today, and not tomorrow."
Then he put his trunk into a swimming-pool of wine
   to drown his sorrow!   (Chorus)
Once I wished upon a star that wasn't even there,
   twinkling in the air, it was a firefly,
Floating in the sky, she told me how to fly,
   but she never said why!   (Chorus)
This song is sung with loving care to help you understand
   why it is things never go as planned.
Imagination builds a road, reality builds holes.
   Imagination makes butterflies, reality makes moles.
So you see, it's simple. All you have to do is try,
   Imagination tells you why!   (Chorus)

Timothy's Lullaby

All the toys are put away;
It's the end of your exciting day.
Thinking new thoughts all your own,
Now hush and sleep, that's another day you've grown.
You'll always be loved by Mom and Dad,
When you're happy or you're sad.
We love you just because you're you,
Now, Timothy, you know it's true.
All the toys are put away;
It's the end of your exciting day.
Thinking new thoughts all your own,
Now hush and sleep, that's another day you've grown.
Just hush and sleep, that's another day you've grown.
Now hush and sleep...

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Dear Boss (I'm not Dialing in Today)

Dear boss, this email hopefully will tell you of my plight
   And at this time my workstation is not a pretty sight.
The network cables are ripped out, the modem, gone away,
   And I hope you'll understand why I'm not dialing in today.
I was putting in some overtime, my project overdue
   But staying at the office I don't really like to do.
My project leader sent me home to do my work from there,
   And use the Internet for any files I had to share
Well, sharing files by modem, it was so dreadful slow
   So I downloaded a speedup kit from somewhere, I don't know.
But in my haste to do the job, I was too blind to see
   That in the code a virus lurked, to get the best of me.
As soon as I had started to share my files this way,
   The virus activated, what more can I say.
My address book was compromised, my friends all got the worm
   Attached to nasty e-mail, it really made me squirm.
To cancel all these messages I then tried to re-boot.
   The worm had left a start-up file, it wasn't very cute.
It locked away my keyboard, then to make matters worse,
   It advertised my workstation to the hacker universe.
As soon as all the hackers saw that I was compromised
   They uploaded some files to me, can't say I was surprised.
A shower of files came up the wire, no telling who to thank,
   And so in desperation, the phone line I did yank.
Now, when I pulled the phone line, I thought I'd passed the worst
   But then my PC started to act like it would burst.
Detecting my home network, my iMac and PC,
   It angrily demanded some connectivity
Well, I pulled the newtwork cable, while my speakers wailed,
   Rebooted from a CD, but that process failed.
So in my desperation, I finally pulled the plug
   And took the blasted thing apart, scattered on the rug.
The modem, it was melted and way beyond repair.
   The network card showed signs of needing some intensive care.
The hard disk was all wiped out, and I can only say
   That I hope you'll understand why I'm not dialing in today.

Jolly Dr Spanier (ORIS wish list)

Jolly Dr Spanier, lean your ear this way.
See if you can allocate resources out our way.
Christmas Eve is coming soon, and since you're the boss
We'd like not to suffer even one percent of loss.

When you're in the parking lot, looking for a space
You can empathize with us at Innovation Place
All of our cars you will find standing in a row
Mine will be the farthest one, please don't let them tow.

Emily wants S Q L, speedy as can be,
JoAnn wants the G I G to work constructively
Ken would like a meeting where everyone is kind
Chris just wants a focus group that won't change its mind

Barb wants folks to archive mail
Peggy, V P N
Christy wants some work to do that's not just scan, scan, scan
As for me, I'm happy here doing interface
Maybe you could find us all a somewhat larger space.

Merry Christmas!